merlin:

What the FUCK, Apple?

What the fuck is wrong with this fucking cocksucker piece-of-shit computer?

I ask you:

What. The. FUCK. Apple.

Jesus fuck, you fuckstained fanboy retards—what the fuck is your DAMAGE?

Seriously. How can you do this to a fella?

I innocently go out and invest my hard-earned fake internet money in the cheapest Mac Pro available—in 2006; I leave it hobbled and way under-powered with its original couple gigs of RAM; I constantly cram its four (4) internal and three (3) external (commodity-class/69-dollar/5200RPM) drives to within a precious few gigs of capacity; I never bother to do a friendly fsck -fy (or run a precautionary Onyx.app session) unless something’s totally blown up; I have one (1) FireWire 800 device, two (2) FireWire 400 devices, and fourteen (14) USB 2 devices attached or mounted; I’m running two fucktastically giant Dell monitors; I’m running programs, prefpanes, kexts, StartupItems and who knows what other shit cobbled together in various mixes of Cocoa, Carbon, Classic, Java, Python, Perl, PHP, and more; my bash profile looks like a capuchin monkey vomited some colons and equal signs into a 10-year-old Guatemalan boy’s ESL dictionary; I’ve added a metric shit-ton of homemade “scripts” to my startup folder, my launchd agents, and only Jesus, Daddy, or the Spook knows where else; I have Hazel, Launchbar, Automator, MobileMe, BusyCal, Dropbox, Time Machine, and who knows what else performing an impossible, ongoing, and fiendishly-automated Stravinsky concert in the background ALL THE TIME…

Plus, I have only thirty applications open.

Is that literally all it takes for me to notice my computer slowing down just a little, tiny bit? Really? That is IT? That?

Again.

What. The. FUCK. Apple.

I’m done with this shit.

Here I come, Ubuntu 11.01 (Naughty Nurse). You’ll be impossible to break.

Right?